and so it goes

so, i'm stressed out. really, REALLY stressed out. i've let go of a friendship which wasn't serving me...but in turn i feel guilty just because i have to let go. if that makes any sense at all. i've spent most of my paycheck over the past few days to get my mom, annd family gifts for christmas. so i now have $5 in my wallet, and under 30 in my account which a little over 100 when i got paid.

so, i'd really like it if my business took of in the new year. i've got the visual side down...graphics (are being worked on), models (it's nice to have attractive friends), and a photographer (again talented friends are a plus). now it's up to me to build my inventory as the end of january gets closer. i say the end of january because that's when Rue closes.

on the job front...well... still looking, and i can use next week (of which 5 hrs will be spent at "work") to continue that search.


i am not pleased, but the assignment given at church said "let life happen"


and so.......

deez iz funeee

negativity misson?!

this past week was OK.

TheWife and I went to a movie mid week and that was a good time.

i overdrew my account paying for the drinks after, that was not good.

here, is where it blows up:

worked Saturday which wasn't bad at all, and then went to a (now former) friends birthday party.

the party was good for a while, until he and i were jokingly arguing and he called me a cunt. no one laughed.

he claims to have had deep feelings for me for a while, again i always thought the way to get the girl is to flatter her.....
not to humiliate her in a room of strangers, and say it with a smile too!

we stayed too long and he cornered me repeatedly trying to get me to change my mind about why i won't date him. i tried to tell him that bringing this up while either of us(he normallywaits until i have a drink in me) have had a drink is not OK! i guess he took that as his cue to continually put his hhands onn me evenn after i told him 1,000 times to stop.

the next night i went over to TheWife's and we watched In the Land of Women and one of the scenes ripped my heart out and i couldn't hold it in and started to cry uncontrollably.

anytime someone tried to ask me if i was OK I'd fall apart again, so i left the room for a while and just sat in her room, she came in later and wiped my face off and told me to let go.

so i did. i wrote him last night, and sent him a txt. he wrote back, no apology at all. just blaming his drinking, and saying he understands that i need time and that i can call him when I'm ready. wtf?!

i think we have an emergency...

the boutique that sells my line is closing within the month

i've overdrawn both accounts

my go to person for graphic design and web inquries is no longer interested in graphic design and or website building

i've already spent my budget for the week

it's 5 am and i really wish i had someone to curl up with just to fall asleep.




and so it goes

D.Mae SHOP NOW

my clothing line is called D.Mae.

i hand paint tees totes and hoodies.

i originally started doing these as gifts for friends, and people started to get interested in what i do.

now a few pieces are in a boutique called Rue Couture, you can find both my line and Rue on Myspace. Rue being in my top friends.

you can view my line at the link above.

if you’d like to place an order please message me: d.mae0515@gmail.com with the subject “place an order”

TEES

ladies: classic cut white ONLY: $35 + shipping

gents: V neck OR classic cut white ONLY:$35 + shipping

HOODIES

ladies: ZIP UP in grey or white ONLY: $ 55+ shipping



gents: PULL OVER in white or ash ONLY:$55 shipping

please keep in mind that the tees are painted on American Apparel tees, which run small.

gentlemen, if you are ordering in a ladies size to get a snug fit, you will need to go one or two sizes up from your normal size.

if the options provided for shirts or hoodies aren’t your style,and you’d like to buy your own. message me at the email provided above and we can work something out

heh?

my positivity mission has hit a snag! urgh! i'm in need of a bit of inspiration, and idunno where to look.

advice please.

go listen

listen to my galfriend's podcast! it's chock full o goodness i swear!!

wish list

yeah. can i have him please?!

tumblr

http://dogganghappened.tumblr.com

positivity mission

work: shitty hours....must LEAVE

job search: got a tip today! zoinks!

license:soon

mom: transplant this summer hopefully(prayers needed)

$$: see job, also savings bonds in March


love: i got my friends...great friends at that!


mood: ehhhmmm workin on it


mission: positivity (i'm following amaris' lead time to kick the bad vibes in the johnson!!!! although with winter comes the seasonal effective disorder...ugh so i gotta work out and take vitamin D to help it out)

i've got plans.....now time for action

list

got paid today +

my OTM of The Patient and I is up ++++++

not feeling great -

opened accounts +

got out of the house to fight the s.a.d +

paycheck not enough -

watching antm finale +

have to get up UBER early to shop for thanksgiving and THEN go to work- - -

researching copyrights +

photoshoot sunday +

debating sending headshots to a NY agency (i’m short, 5ft 4in) +/-/?

want

Cole Mohr you are a beautiful man

meh

i'm all crampy and sick feeling..not fun and i have an ovewhelming craving for spring rolls, steamed broccoli, and chicken....so we know what dinner will be tonight!

i literally felt like i couldn't get out of bed this morning, and thought i should cancel my appointment and just be in bed all day with the radio on, and only get out of bed to get tension tea(which is AMAZING btw).

i've been putting off reviews of albums that are piling up and by piling i mean they're just sitting there...but i did start one yesterday and was waiting for the band to get some info to me....so when i get back in it'll get done.

ohhhhhhfff i feel horrible...but i am looking forward to my session being over, maybe finding a bookseller i can walk to, getting PAPER magazine, luch, and getting back home before the 41degree weather has it's way with me!



wish me luck.

ehhhm

hai, i'm chris. i sing. sometimes asthough my voice may break if i sing too loudly and or emote a bit too much. so sometimes i do, for fun, and sometimes i don't, just to see if i can fool you. i was in france one time and sang in a crowded bar at a piano as some guy filmed me. that was fun. people seem to like my music and some confuse me with that sufjan guy.

hey, i'm sufjan. no one can pronounce my name, well some can. anywho i'm a singer songwriter and a quite guy. that shows in my music, it's delicate but my voice isn't unless it is and that tends to happen from time to time and i like it that way. i once wrote a song abt a girl who looked good in a dress, it makes girls smile. i've been told if you close your eyes while listening to my music i can sould like this chris garneau character.

i. have. hope.

it's been a long time coming, and one of the proudest moments of my life. i've never been a political person but this is the race that got me doing my research. whomever won that night would have made history. but, i am proud to say that THIS is the man who will make things happen. we're 4 years behind and i say 4 because after his first term people were frightened by change and wanted to give dubya a chance to clean up the mess that not only he but those pulling his strings made. i know now that anything is possible. that the country that i live in is ready for the good it knows itself to be capable of, and that we are behind this great man and his honesty and humility.

congrats america, you can now sit at the adults table this christmas.

o hai!

Follow my blog with bloglovin´

stolrn this from ms. amaris !

katy perry song title

the fact of the matter is this....

idunno what i like, i have yet to experience either...and my last attempt at contact was comical to say the least...not by any fault of my own!

i do know this to be true....

however this goes down i will not feel guilt...because guilt comes out of fear and i do not fear who i am becoming.

i won't worry abt how others handle it because the one's who truely care for me will still be there 10 years from now.

truth

this, is progress.

lately i've been in a funk. ok, so it was more like a month's worth o funk! well! the air has cleared and today i felt good abt myself!!!

hey, it's a step.

i applied for a new job that's in Philly so i guess i'd better get used to going over the bridge! that, and i'll finally learn that holding my breathe for the duration of the trip over said bridge is NOT a good thing and i'll stop doing it! it's more than what i make now, full time, with benefits and paid sick leave and time off....occassional weekends. i'm hoping i get it and start in time enough to save for christmas and to take the next set of screenprinting classes shortly after christmas!

i spent most of the day either online updating my myspace for my line http://www.myspace.com/dmae0515

and listening to music i've been getting in the mail for review....i like to listen to everything once through and then maybe over and over again if i'm having a rough time visualizing what i'm hearing, which happens every once in a while...and then i need to take time and be careful with what i write.


ah! i feel a bit better! besides all the crampy yuckiness that's going on.

Men. Gross.

the other night TheWife and i went to a bar after going to the advanced screening of Sex Drive( go see it...i love boy humor!)

this occured mainly because wife wanted to see the Phillies play...things were cool

random mid 30's guy starts to talk to her, then notices me, we continue to talk to him....he buys us drinks... chats for a bit tells wife hshhe hhas nice tits and minutes later tells me mine are ok too....then he asks me what her pussy tastes like...i said i didn't know and felt unbelievably uncomfortable....

a few minutes later he went to the bathroom...and we literally ran from the bar after picking up our tab...but not before adding our last two drinks to his tab.


so, a tip for you guys out there....THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO PICK UP LADIES OK!!!

idunno how men exist at all...unless they are gay at which point i'll probably love you for life.


this just makes it easier to not date. FAIL

real talk

i'm really sick of people trying to make me feel bad for the choices i make. they're mine to make, i know what's right for me!

stop freaking out because i don't want to go out after work fool...i'm tired! and yeah i hung out with thewife and didn't call you...i don't have to!! you'd slow our roll, hhinder our flirting and try and make me feel bad for showing some random guy attention...not cool! we're friends...we've been over this. i'm thankful to have you as that, i can count the guys i can rely on on one hand, getting with you would not only fuck that up, but we would probably never speak again.



...as much as i want a man....this ain't worth it! i deal with boys...where are the men?! and why is it that i can crush on a mo like nobody's business?!?!?!?!?

get by

too all the things/feelings/thoughts that I think are holding me back....

see above.



i'm getting on top of things now, because i want everything to be the way i know it can be, for these plans i've been holding onto to become the things i've made happen, and to be able to have the things i want . so, i will no longer give power to the those things, i'll give power to the things that serve me.

monday monday

sunday TheWife and I went to Fridays before going to see that movie with that guy, the gal he fancies, and that playlist of their's that I hear is infinite.........

we sat and watched the Eagles lose and the Phillies win...i don't follow sports unless they are of the Olympic nature but I watch because she loves it, and then explains things to me that i do not understand which is just a few things....

they had one of those touch screen jukeboxes filled with indie and techno treats...more so than the one at our fave Mako's on South St. in Philly, whhich was a bit o a suprise!!

the bartender was a sweetie and wife felt the need to write down my myspace url for him...i'm assuming she believes in technology enough to be able to master her blackberry in an hour after purchase but not enough to just give him my cell # ?! that or the fact that she knows me well enough that i make a better connection through written word rather than speaking to someone at any given time. i am weird man.

there was flirting,and fun times....as is the case whenever we are together and that's what I love about having such a friend.

after we went over to the theatre and watched said movie with a little buzz on and it was SOOOOO EFFING SHORT..it was as adorable and full o hijinks as I had expected...but too short and there wasn't enough mentioned about their connectionn via music which was a let down...i'll go see it again though...i am a sucker for cutsie movies.

news on theh art front: i'll have a few new post for highvoltagemagazine.com coming up and hhope to finnd more bands to bring to your attention....

as for the business: workin g on the ladies shirts which is all I have available right now...looking for inspiration every moment of everyday

<3

snap

haven't been keeping up with my post....

not a whole lot going on....

work

procrastination


that's about it!

the things that make me want to quit my job are amplified by 1,000,000 as of right now, and i don't see an end until i move on...which needs to happen SOON...theh customers have lost their cotton pickin minds!!!!
i can only argue with you about what buy one get one means so many times before i snap.


more updates soon.

where are you?

+
+
x



=

top model?

i don't get her kind of beauty.....i really don't. i've been told that at thhis past fashion week that casting agents have actually been casting people of color......gasp!!!!!!! i'm not saying it doesn't happen...but you know what they don't!!! and that's fucked up.

i'm just a bit frustrated at the fact that this is something i'd like to pursue, and that because of the color of my skin....it's kindda impossible...that and the fact that i'm short......also a downer...oh well i'm really great when there's a camera pointed at me.

all new latenight

the olympics are over. i no longer care about sports...untill the winter olympics begin. it sucks that this only occurs eveyr 4 years. ah well...the dew action sports qualifying rounds were on after men's volley ball.

i care about those kinnd of sports too, sommthing about a guy on a bike/board mmmmm


Ex is coming over Wed, before work......i don't want to talk...i mean that i want to answer the door,walk to my room, get back into bed, make out a bit, and nap...because this is what my life has consisted of for the past few weeks...minus all the kisses...sad right?!

i hate the damn night shift but i'm gonna adore my paycheck, and then myself after paying Thewife something extra for my overages, a bit off the loan, and a bit into my mac book pro fund...she's my suggamomma and got me my lil chocolate phone...that and i gotta get more supplies...i got a message abt designing for a friends band(it'd be soooooooooooo fab to have them use a design of mine because 1. they are a talented group....and 2. they're getting pretty big so the more people that see what i do the more will like it and it'll get bigger than i ever thought it'd be)...two other custom orders...so i needs paint and tees not to mention i've still got my bbf T's tee and thewife's tee both sitting around...and DB and Manny's to order!!!! and i want to start to sketch out new ideas and finda supplier for reasonably priced/good quality pullover and zip up hoodies and blank canvas totes for the fall stuff i'd like to get to the store.......

things are falling into place and it's scary and great all at the same time!


so, i'm busy with the line(D.mae) and i gotta call the store to see if anything else has sold yet!!! so if i need to take a trip to pearle thewife and i might spend most of the night at lickety split waiting for neeko to show up so wife can have her way with her as i.........idunno sit in the corner?!?!?!

they were all put into boxes and they all came out the same

1. let's play

2. i've decided to not give a fuck what people think about me......

should've decided on the a while ago. it takes me a while to get used to these kind of things...these internal decisions take time.



i cut my hair the other day...just to shorten it in the back and didn't take into account the fact that i haven't relaxed it in a long time and that it curls when short...therefor......it's a curly mess and it takes less time for me to do which is a plus the only minus is that out of habit i still flat iron it in the morning.

3.i forget

lactose intolerant

i'm listening to dave triggiano via the myspace(hence the title o this blog) and thinking abt the fact that it's been SUCH a long time since i've written anything that wasn't music related since...i dnt remember the last time a poem fell out of me...cause that seems to be the way they happen....i also find that i lose timem when writting something like that....and i'm unaware of how long it's been when it's all over. hmph



i can't force it cause then it's crap..although i have a tendency to cringe when going over things i've written in the past......unless it's a review i could read those all day but as far as poems or truths go....can't happen and if i allow you to read it...i have to leave the room and you can't read it out loud considering the fact that i have super human hearing...yeah.

andsomejunk

i was gonna blog abt my week but here it is in a few words cause i is tired y'all......
wrk bored wrk recieved 2 custom orders wrk searches for vneck tee for gal i met at Tyler in printmaking wrk annoyed wrk no sleep wrk more no sleeping wrk txt Puppy insomnia reads blogs and more non sleep related side effects wrk sexy txtng the ex that hopefully ends in well we shall see

so there you have it!


and now a survey oy vey! (thnz amaris: iheartnpo.blogspot.com)


{---Basics---}
Name: naimah
Nickname(s): neemah neemers neems
Age: 24
Birthday: 3-4-84
Birthplace: philadelphia, pa
Current Location:the couch
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: black/drk brown
Height: 5ft 4
Weight: the small kind
Lefty or Righty: righty
Zodiac Sign: pisces
What Do You Drive: n/a
Screenname: pezimprvzkisses
{---Favorites---}
Color: i wear a lot o drk stuff but i adore teal and slate grey that's a great combo
Number: even nplz
Band: steel train and john mayer
Music Genre: anything that i can visualize in my head while listening
TV Show: prettywhitekidswithproblems
Movie: the ten commandments, the sound of music,little women,the big hit, fear, i'm with lucy.......it goes on and on
Actor: the hawt kind
Actress: ever watch girlfriends or the game...i like those gals
Kind of Movie: funnysappyhonestearthshakingoodtimeskinddastuff
Cartoon: doug and rugrats, obvi.
Sport: no thanks i'd rather watch and even them it'd better be gymnastics or diving or swimming...um so the olympics
Fast Food Restaurant: mc donald's.
Food: anythang my mommom ever made for me was EPIC
Ice Cream: hello! mint chocolate chip! and it's gotta be green or it's just mint chip and that ain't gr8
Cereal: capn crunch
Candy: cherry.
Drink: coke or pennsylvania dutch root beer
Alcoholic Beverage:woodchuck cider,vodkacranberry, seabreeze, baybreeze
Quote: "it's cool" if ever yoear this phrase you'd better be sure it's REALLY cool aiight!!
{---Do You---}
Have any siblings: 4 i've only met 1 though
Have any pets: magic
Have a job:thankyouforcallingriteaid
Have a cellphone: yes.
Have any special talents or skills: guess so
Have any fears:yup
Have a bedtime: not really.
Sing in the shower: always.
Want to go to college: yes ma'am
Get along with your parents: yes.
Have any piercings: 0.
Have any tattoos: not yet
Swear: uh huh.
Smoke: no
Drink: yea.
Do Drugs: only the ones that are prescribed to me.
{---Love & All That Crap---}
Ever been in love: no
Are you single: yup
.Are you in a relationship: nah
Do you have a crush on someone: eh
Ever been dumped: yes.
Ever dumped someone: no.
Ever had your heart broken: yup
{---This or That---}
Fruit or Vegetable: fruit.
Black or White:?
Lights On or Lights Off: off plz but if i'm workin leave em on plz
TV or Movie:tv.
Car or Truck: hybrid car
Cash or Check: cash.
Rock or Rap: rawk
Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
French Toast or French Fries: baked french fries with the skin still on. (gr8 answer!!)
Strawberries or Blueberries: strawberries
Cookies or Muffins: both
Winter Break or Spring Break: both
Hugs or Kisses: both at the same time.
{---Have You Ever---}
Danced in a public place: surely.
Smiled for no reason: yeah
Laughed so hard you cried: yes!
Talked to someone you don't know: yup.
Drank alcohol: mhmm.
Done drugs:nope.
Partied 'til the sun came up: uh huh.
Gotten a ticket:nah.
Been arrested: no.
Been convicted of a crime: umm nope
Been in a wreck: yeah.
Been out of the country: nope.
{---Random & Silly Junk---}
Are you a virgin: ain't got no shame.
Ever TP'd someone's house: no.
Ever egged someone's house: no.
How many languages do you speak: one.
Who do you compare yourself to:
Ever regret anything: one thing.
Do you like being tickled: no, it ends in my not breathing .
What are your goals:get in shape, get this thang off the ground,smile more,heal the injuries,smile more,be more optonistic, ask for help when i need it.
Are your fingers tired: cramp.
Are you tired of this survey: yes yes yes.
Are you happy: tired and with energy.

am i missing.......or was the body foud?

i've been busy hobbling around trying not to fuck up my already hurting foot(its been almost two months.....a few weeks on the crutches) and working nights for this the second week. i guess i shouldn't complain but after cait quiting, john taking vacation, and the new guy quiting after a day of training which wasn't even work at all!! i'm the new slave at work now.....and i cannot stand the dumbass questionns people have for me....and and the fact that people come and return things because they think they've been over charged 53 cents for fuckin speed stick!!!!!



i CANNOT wait to get back to the pharmacy i'd much rather someone be upset about medication than toliet tissue.



whores

other things

i wonder if i'll ever find someone, but i also know to do that you have to be willing to be in a position that make you vulnerable. and i know this about myself, that i, don't do that well at all. it's not a good color on me and i don't like the way it fits. i've tried it out, kept it on for a few months and it did nothig but shrink...stick to my skin...so much so that i had to try and scrub it all away. three months of drinking in the heat and falling into another person's clamy hands didn't help. his ability to try and take control of the situationthat was made crystal clear to him at our first "date" made me realize that i cannot be careless when it comes down to it. i never have been and will be. all my life i've been ahead of my time. in my mind. and i don't mean that in a sense that i'm smarter and or better than anyone. that's not it...what i mean is that my thoughts were not that of someone my age. when i was five i thought that people would like me more if i had blond hair and blue eyes. not the case. i've been the quirky-funny-witty-little-black-girl all my life. i'm small in stature. not in heart. not in the way i love. not in the way i hope,fight,fear,cry,feel,or just be. i am not small at all. and one day some guy will love me for it. he'll love the gap in my teeth, the scars on my stomach,my love of cheesey pop music and pop culture, the way my hair curls when it's humid, how every michael bolton song i hum turns into a luther vandrose song somehow. and after noticing all of these things about me without my telling him......we know we won't have to go/do anything at all but sit in the same room with one another and be grateful for that. one day this will happen for me. and i'm no longer afraid of it. i love him already. i was raised believing that it's all ready for me. i just have to see it. i do. and it's fucking beautiful.

something......

i like........

boys with freckles......

brazilian redheads......

chcolate guys w/ long torso's......

frech dudes with messy hair

same. as. it. ever. was.

i love Natalie Portman. i'm not too sure as to why but ever since The Professional, which i'm pretty sure i was not suppose to watch anyway...i've had a crush. a crush to the point where if she were to see me on the street, stop me, and tell me thatt it was love at first sight.....it'd be over with whomever it is i was with. i mean that. this, is my girl crush and it's got me goin.

the other night thewife(my bff) and i watched the other boelyn....is it sister or girl?! and it was AMAZING i'm not one to love the overbearing-hoorible-out-to-get-you-out-of-the-way-to-just-get-my-way-characters but that's exactly who she was and i know the history behind the plot so that wasn't the suprise it was the fact that she was so convincing and just so friggin great. i loved it and more than that, i loved the commentary that wife and i add to EVERY film we watch together which has to be 90% of the fun for us.

most movies are funny because of this and they aren't suppose to be. meaning we make them funny even if it's a deep film....ah it's grand.

crushcrushcrush

i am SOOOOO in love with this band...and i think that they aare overlooked far too often.......


Jamie All Over - Music Video


JAMIE ALL OVER BY MAYDAY PARADE

Is this realistic? or is it reelistic?

idunno if ever this wer true for me in high school i wouldn'tve gone for that guy...or hung out in graveyards....or decided to change the way i dress to have him chase after me after his douchey friends make fun of me at some lame porch party....but i dig the song and i do find it believable...this is how we all want it to be...even when it can't be.

xoxo.....gg

idunno what it is about Josh Schwartz and his ability to capture the teenage psyche...but i'm lovin it and i cannot get enough. i read the GG series and admit that i am FAR behind and must play catch up. i hope to spend a few days on the beach doing so....if i can get to it. i usually go and just sit and read and get in when it's UBER hot. chuck bass is a brilliantly written character...and although there are some loopholes key plot lines missing i still adore this show. i missed the last few eps of the season so when they finally come back around...thanks CW!!

in the beginning.......

I'm new to this and I cannot stand the introductory hello-my-name-is-this-is-what-i-do-please-feel-free-to-comment-on-my-life-type of entries........

does this defeat the purpose?!