and so it goes

so, i'm stressed out. really, REALLY stressed out. i've let go of a friendship which wasn't serving me...but in turn i feel guilty just because i have to let go. if that makes any sense at all. i've spent most of my paycheck over the past few days to get my mom, annd family gifts for christmas. so i now have $5 in my wallet, and under 30 in my account which a little over 100 when i got paid.

so, i'd really like it if my business took of in the new year. i've got the visual side down...graphics (are being worked on), models (it's nice to have attractive friends), and a photographer (again talented friends are a plus). now it's up to me to build my inventory as the end of january gets closer. i say the end of january because that's when Rue closes.

on the job front...well... still looking, and i can use next week (of which 5 hrs will be spent at "work") to continue that search.


i am not pleased, but the assignment given at church said "let life happen"


and so.......

all new latenight

the olympics are over. i no longer care about sports...untill the winter olympics begin. it sucks that this only occurs eveyr 4 years. ah well...the dew action sports qualifying rounds were on after men's volley ball.

i care about those kinnd of sports too, sommthing about a guy on a bike/board mmmmm


Ex is coming over Wed, before work......i don't want to talk...i mean that i want to answer the door,walk to my room, get back into bed, make out a bit, and nap...because this is what my life has consisted of for the past few weeks...minus all the kisses...sad right?!

i hate the damn night shift but i'm gonna adore my paycheck, and then myself after paying Thewife something extra for my overages, a bit off the loan, and a bit into my mac book pro fund...she's my suggamomma and got me my lil chocolate phone...that and i gotta get more supplies...i got a message abt designing for a friends band(it'd be soooooooooooo fab to have them use a design of mine because 1. they are a talented group....and 2. they're getting pretty big so the more people that see what i do the more will like it and it'll get bigger than i ever thought it'd be)...two other custom orders...so i needs paint and tees not to mention i've still got my bbf T's tee and thewife's tee both sitting around...and DB and Manny's to order!!!! and i want to start to sketch out new ideas and finda supplier for reasonably priced/good quality pullover and zip up hoodies and blank canvas totes for the fall stuff i'd like to get to the store.......

things are falling into place and it's scary and great all at the same time!


so, i'm busy with the line(D.mae) and i gotta call the store to see if anything else has sold yet!!! so if i need to take a trip to pearle thewife and i might spend most of the night at lickety split waiting for neeko to show up so wife can have her way with her as i.........idunno sit in the corner?!?!?!

other things

i wonder if i'll ever find someone, but i also know to do that you have to be willing to be in a position that make you vulnerable. and i know this about myself, that i, don't do that well at all. it's not a good color on me and i don't like the way it fits. i've tried it out, kept it on for a few months and it did nothig but shrink...stick to my skin...so much so that i had to try and scrub it all away. three months of drinking in the heat and falling into another person's clamy hands didn't help. his ability to try and take control of the situationthat was made crystal clear to him at our first "date" made me realize that i cannot be careless when it comes down to it. i never have been and will be. all my life i've been ahead of my time. in my mind. and i don't mean that in a sense that i'm smarter and or better than anyone. that's not it...what i mean is that my thoughts were not that of someone my age. when i was five i thought that people would like me more if i had blond hair and blue eyes. not the case. i've been the quirky-funny-witty-little-black-girl all my life. i'm small in stature. not in heart. not in the way i love. not in the way i hope,fight,fear,cry,feel,or just be. i am not small at all. and one day some guy will love me for it. he'll love the gap in my teeth, the scars on my stomach,my love of cheesey pop music and pop culture, the way my hair curls when it's humid, how every michael bolton song i hum turns into a luther vandrose song somehow. and after noticing all of these things about me without my telling him......we know we won't have to go/do anything at all but sit in the same room with one another and be grateful for that. one day this will happen for me. and i'm no longer afraid of it. i love him already. i was raised believing that it's all ready for me. i just have to see it. i do. and it's fucking beautiful.